Where do we get our beliefs about love? Usually we get them from people around us, our parents, grandparents, neighbors, friends. We also derive some of our believes about love and relationships from the books we read and the movies we watch.
Unfortunately, Hollywood and the magazines at the cash register at the grocery stores do not give us good advice about relationships. And when we derive our beliefs about relationships from these sources, when we hit a bit of a bump, we begin to wonder what is wrong with us. Why do other people have seemingly easy relationships while ours is always so rocky? What might be just a small problem could be blown out of proportion and you might end up breaking it off with the person who would have been perfect for you.
What are the most common mistakes we make in relationships?
One is that we feel if we have any doubt whatsoever about our relationship we are with the wrong person. Unless you are a truly gifted seer, you will never know without a doubt, anything. Life is full of uncertainties and having doubt about a decision as major as a relationship is a perfectly natural thing. I have doubts about whether I will like a pair of hiking boots two years down the road. How could I not have doubts about the person I hope to spend the rest of my life with?
You don’t need butterflies in your stomach or have your foot pop on your first kiss to be with the right person. Hollywood has taken these signs of infatuation and turned them into some kind of demonstration of true love. Sorry kids, but the fairy tales ended when you became an adult. There are no princesses and no knights in shining armor. True love can be found among the very real men and women we meet on a daily basis. They are human, filled with the very human qualities of tenderness and fear, anger and deep love. Humans are not created by design. Real love between two people requires that each one be open and honest with one another, and commit to traveling together through life regardless of how hard it may become.
Sorry, but please don’t go looking for some kind of “sign” that this is true love. You have to trust.
What if you don’t miss one another when you part for a few days. Does that mean you really aren’t in love? No, I say that means that you are fulfilled and not a needy person. You will likely reflect that to your partner, and when you reunite your relationship will continue to be genuine, warm, and healthy. When you miss one another to such extremes as shown in movies, you might be dealing with a personality type that will make a mature relationship difficult.
When you wonder about your relationship, evaluate whether you are measuring it against a real and honest example from real life, or are you hoping for that “happily ever after” ending that will never happen?